Relationships can be a source of immense joy and satisfaction. Finding someone to share our lives, dreams, and challenges with can be a transformative experience.

Love, that powerful force that unites us with another soul but at the same time can also lead us to a dead end: losing our identity.

Have you ever felt like you've become someone different in your relationship? Why do we stop being ourselves when we are in a relationship? We will explore the causes behind this transformation and offer strategies to keep our identity intact while enjoying a loving relationship.

The reasons we stop being ourselves in a relationship are complex and multifaceted. Below, we present some of the most common factors that contribute to this phenomenon:

Fear of Rejection

Fear of rejection is one of the main reasons why people change their behavior in a relationship. This fear can be so deep that it leads us to modify our personality and actions to ensure that our partner accepts and loves us. This need for acceptance can cause us to suppress our true opinions, desires, and behaviors, all in an effort to avoid rejection.

The fear of rejection is often rooted in past experiences. Perhaps in a previous relationship we were rejected for being authentic, or perhaps our life experiences have taught us that we must conform to be loved. This fear can lead us to be overly complacent, avoid conflict at all costs, and constantly adapt to our partner's expectations, sacrificing our authenticity in the process.

Some examples include:

• Hide our true feelings or interests: For fear of being judged or rejected, we can choose to hide aspects of our personality that we believe would not be accepted by our partner.
• Change our appearance or behavior: To adapt to what we think our partner wants, we can modify the way we dress, speak or behave in general.
• Avoid conflict: For fear of hurting our partner's feelings or damaging the relationship, we can avoid expressing our opinions or real needs, repressing emotions and desires.

Low self-esteem

Low self-esteem is another fundamental reason why we can lose our identity in a relationship. If we don't value ourselves, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking we need to change to be loved. This lack of self-acceptance can lead us to become overly dependent on our partner for validation and to adapt our behavior to earn their approval.

In a relationship, this can lead us to:

• Relying excessively on our partner's validation: We base our self-esteem on our partner's opinion and affection, losing sight of our own intrinsic value.
• Accept disrespectful or hurtful behavior: For fear of losing our partner, we tolerate attitudes or actions that do not agree with our values or that make us feel bad.
• Giving up our dreams or personal goals: To please our partner or avoid conflicts, we sacrifice our own aspirations and desires.

Need for Approval

From a young age, many of us seek approval from the people around us. In a relationship, this need can lead us to behave in ways that are not authentic. We want to be validated, accepted, and loved, and we often believe that the only way to achieve this is by adapting to our partner's expectations.

This constant search for approval can be exhausting and, over time, can lead to a disconnection from our true needs and desires. This need can manifest itself in various ways:

• Constantly adapt to our partner's expectations: We modify our behavior, tastes or even opinions to adjust to what we believe our partner expects of us.
• Seek acceptance from common friends or family: We prioritize the approval of the shared social circle over our own authenticity.

Lack of communication

Lack of effective communication in a relationship can be a crucial factor contributing to the loss of identity. Without open and honest communication, it is easy to fall into the trap of hiding parts of ourselves to avoid conflict or misunderstanding. Communication is essential to expressing our needs, desires, and boundaries, and without it, it is easy to feel disconnected and not understood.

Lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings and built-up resentments. If we don't feel comfortable expressing our true opinions and feelings, we can begin to hold back, adapting to what we think our partner wants to hear. Over time, this lack of authenticity can create an emotional distance between us and our partner, and also between us and our true identity.

The lack of effective communication can contribute to the loss of our identity:

• Difficulty expressing our true feelings: We repress ourselves for fear of hurting our partner or starting a conflict.
• Misinterpretations and misunderstandings: Lack of clarity in communication can lead to confusion and our partner not understanding our needs or desires.
• Avoid difficult or conflictive topics: We postpone important conversations for fear of negative reactions or consequences.

The Myth of "We"

The “we” myth suggests that we must merge completely with our partner, losing our individuality in the process. Although closeness and togetherness are important aspects of a relationship, it is crucial to maintain a sense of "I" separate from the "we." Complete fusion with our partner can lead to a loss of identity and a feeling of being trapped.

It is natural to want to share experiences and create a life together with our partner, but this should not mean sacrificing our individuality. Maintaining personal interests and activities is essential to preserving our identity. In doing so, we not only maintain a sense of self, but also enrich the relationship by bringing unique experiences and perspectives.

The reality is very different:

• A healthy relationship is based on the union of two unique beings, not on the cancellation of one by the other.
• It is important to maintain a sense of “I” separate from “we” to preserve our autonomy and authenticity.
• Total fusion can lead to emotional dependency, resentment, and loss of identity.

The Search for Acceptance and Love

The search for acceptance and love drives us to make personal sacrifices. We want our partner to love and accept us, and sometimes we believe that the only way to achieve this is by changing aspects of ourselves that we don't really want to change. This desire to be accepted can be so strong that it leads us to compromise our authenticity.

In our search for acceptance and love, it is easy to lose sight of who we really are. We can begin to make concessions that, although initially seem small, can accumulate over time and lead us to feel that we have lost our essence. It is essential to remember that a healthy relationship does not require us to sacrifice our identity, but rather allows us to be authentic while sharing our lives with another person.

We forget that true love does not ask for sacrifices, but rather embraces us as we are:

• We give up our passions and interests: To dedicate more time to the relationship or please our partner, we put aside activities that fulfill us and define us as people.
• We adopt opinions or beliefs that are not ours: To avoid conflicts or gain the approval of our partner, we modify our ideas and convictions.
• We become emotional chameleons: We adapt our emotions and reactions to adjust to what we believe our partner expects of us.

The Influence of Social Expectations

Social and cultural expectations can put significant pressure on how we behave in a relationship. Traditional norms about how couples should behave can lead us to assume roles or behaviors that do not reflect our true nature. These expectations can contribute to the loss of our identity.

Social expectations can dictate how we should act, what roles we should take, and what behaviors are acceptable in a relationship. Meeting these expectations can make us feel like we have to fit a specific mold, sacrificing our true passions and interests in the process. It is important to question these norms and create a relationship that reflects our authentic personalities and values.

In the context of relationships, this can lead us to:

• Follow traditional gender roles: We adopt behaviors and expectations that are associated with our gender, even if they do not fit our personality or desires.
• Comparing ourselves to other couples: We idealize other people's relationships and feel pressured to achieve a level of success or happiness that does not necessarily fit our own reality.
• Ignoring our own needs and values: To fit into social expectations, we sacrifice important aspects of our identity and well-being.

Complacency and Lack of Limits

Complacency and a lack of clear boundaries lead us to say “yes” when we want to say “no.” By not setting healthy boundaries, we find ourselves adopting behaviors and habits that are not authentic to us, diluting our true identity. Complacency may be a way to avoid conflict, but in the long term, it can result in resentment and loss of identity.

Setting boundaries is essential to maintaining our individuality in a relationship. Clear boundaries allow us to communicate our needs and wants effectively, and help us maintain a sense of control over our lives. Learning to set clear boundaries is crucial to protecting our individuality and cultivating a healthy relationship:

• We become complacent: To avoid conflicts or hurting our partner, we accept plans, activities or decisions that we don't like or that go against our principles.
• We lose the ability to say "no": We feel guilty or selfish when expressing our needs or desires, allowing our partner to make decisions for us.
• Resentment and frustration: Lack of boundaries can generate long-term resentment and frustration, damaging the relationship and our own self-esteem.

How to Recover and Maintain Our Identity

1. Self-exploration and Self-awareness

   Spending time on self-exploration is crucial to maintaining our identity in a relationship. Reflecting on our passions, values and desires helps us reaffirm who we are and what we want. Practicing self-awareness allows us to identify when we are acting authentically and when we are over-accommodating to our partner.

   Self-exploration may include activities such as journaling, meditating, or participating in therapy. These practices help us connect with our inner feelings and thoughts, and better understand our needs and desires. By doing so, we can make more informed and authentic decisions about how we want to behave in our relationship.

2. Open Communication

   Maintaining open and honest communication with our partner about our needs and limits is essential. Sharing our authentic thoughts and feelings strengthens the relationship and allows us to maintain our individuality. Effective communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship and allows us to express who we really are.

   The open communication involves actively listening to our partner and being honest about our own needs. This may require bravery and vulnerability, but it is essential to building a relationship based on authenticity and mutual respect. By expressing our true opinions and feelings, we foster an environment of trust and understanding in the relationship.

3. Personal Space

   Making time for individual activities and friends outside of the relationship fosters a sense of independence and reinforces our identity. Maintaining hobbies and personal interests helps us preserve our essence and avoid the feeling of being trapped in the relationship.

   Personal space does not mean emotional distancing, but rather a recognition that both partners need time and space to grow as individuals. By cultivating our personal interests, we not only enrich our own lives, but we also bring new experiences and perspectives to the relationship, thereby strengthening the bond with our partner.

4. Mutual Acceptance

   It is important to be in a relationship where both parties accept and celebrate each other as they are. This creates an environment where we don't feel the need to change to be loved. Mutual acceptance allows us to be authentic and maintain our identity while sharing our life with our partner.

   Mutual acceptance involves recognizing and respecting the differences between us and our partner. Instead of trying to change each other, we celebrate their unique qualities and value what each person brings to the relationship. This attitude of acceptance and mutual respect is essential for a healthy and long-lasting relationship.

5. Establishment of Limits

   Learn to say "no" and set clear boundaries. Defining what is acceptable and what is not in the relationship will help you maintain your sense of self. Healthy boundaries allow us to protect our individuality and ensure that our needs and desires are respected.

   Setting boundaries can be difficult at first, especially if we are used to pleasing others. However, it is an essential skill to maintain our authenticity in a relationship. Clear boundaries allow us to communicate our expectations and needs effectively, and help us maintain a healthy balance between our individual identity and our life as a couple.

Stopping being ourselves in a relationship is a common phenomenon, but not inevitable. By understanding the reasons behind this trend and taking proactive steps to maintain our authenticity, we can enjoy healthier, more satisfying relationships. At the end of the day, a true, lasting relationship does not require us to sacrifice our identity, but rather allows us to flourish together as unique and complete individuals. Staying true to ourselves while connecting deeply with another person is the ideal balance for a happy and meaningful relationship.

In this world in which almost all of us look for love, a stable partner or a company that makes us feel better and with which we can share our achievements, sometimes we stumble upon relationships that, far from be a fairy tale, they become torment. Have you wondered if you are in one of these relationships? 

Today we want to talk to you about addiction to this type of toxic relationships, but for that we will first talk about what these relationships are,  understand their effects and, most importantly, give you the tools to free yourself and build relationships healthy and full of light.

Tired of feeling exhausted, insecure and lackluster in your relationship? It's time to open your eyes! Perhaps you are trapped in a cycle of toxic relationships, traps disguised as love that consume your energy and happiness. Don't settle for less than what you deserve!

But first of all we need to know...

What is a toxic relationship?

Imagine a connection with another person who, instead of nurturing and supporting you, causes emotional, psychological, and even physical harm. That is the harsh reality of a toxic relationship. 

These types of relationships are characterized by:

• Lack of respect: Manipulation, emotional blackmail, insults or even violence. A hostile environment where your dignity is violated.
• Emotional instability: Pathological jealousy, constant arguments, emotional ups and downs that make you feel on a roller coaster of negative emotions.
• Excessive control: Obsessive need to know where you are and with whom, checking your phone, etc. A suffocation of your individual freedom.
• Emotional dependence: Feeling empty without your partner, with a paralyzing fear of being alone. A relationship that robs you of your independence and self-esteem.
• Low self-esteem: Feeling inferior, guilty or not good enough for your partner. A relationship that undermines your personal value.

In short, they are relationships that make us constantly feel bad about ourselves and that negatively affect our emotional and mental well-being.

How to identify that you are in a toxic relationship?

It is crucial to recognize the signs of a toxic relationship in order to take control of your life. Some signs that can alert you are:

• Trapped in the web of fear: An irrational terror of losing your loved one consumes you, turning them into the center of your universe. You become obsessed with his presence, sacrificing your own identity for the sake of keeping him close.
• An endless dance of demands: The relationship becomes a battlefield where constant demands replace genuine affection. Each seeks to obtain from the other what he needs, regardless of the needs of the other.
• The false illusion of completeness: You believe that your partner is the other half of your soul, the only one who can fill you. However, this dependency makes you vulnerable and plunges you into despair if he distances himself.
• Maturity disguised as disinterest: Emotional maturity, that ability to love without unhealthy attachments, is interpreted as disinterest and indifference. True freedom and mutual respect are confused with coldness and apathy.
• Submission and total surrender: You surrender to your partner without questioning anything, renouncing your own will in a vain attempt to keep them by your side. Submission and blind obedience become the currency of love.
• Excessive passion without satisfaction: Sexuality, instead of being an act of connection and shared pleasure, becomes an obsessive and uncontrolled need. The quality of the encounter takes a backseat to the intensity of the passion.
• Jealousy, possession and violence: The lack of equality and freedom in the relationship breeds unhealthy jealousy, possessiveness and a desire for absolute control over the other. This breeding ground can lead to mutual deterioration and, in extreme cases, physical or emotional violence.

If you identify with several of these signs, it is important that you take some time to reflect on your relationship and seek help if you need it.

How do I know if I am addicted to a toxic relationship?

Addiction to a toxic relationship can be difficult to recognize, as it hides under the mask of love. But as in all addictions, there are mechanisms in our brain that guide us towards these types of relationships:

• The brain's reward system: a complex machinery that regulates the sensation of pleasure. When we experience something pleasant, this system releases dopamine, a neurotransmitter that makes us feel good.
• Toxic relationships: a scenario where the reward system becomes a double-edged sword. At the beginning, the relationship can generate moments of intense pleasure, activating the release of dopamine.
• The trap of addiction: Over time, the relationship becomes turbulent, with moments of pain and disappointment. However, the memory of past pleasurable experiences, even if they are few, keeps the hope alive that the relationship will be good again.
• The cycle of addiction: a cyclical pattern of behavior is established:
  • Idealization phase: the person sees his or her partner as perfect and the relationship as ideal.

That is, when we receive external approval and validation, our reward circuits in the brain are activated, releasing dopamine and serotonin, chemicals linked to pleasure and happiness.

However, when the reward is inconsistent and unpredictable, as is the case in toxic relationships, our brains focus on chasing that emotional high.

After experiencing that emotional rise, comes the fall, and sometimes, emotional withdrawal syndrome. The circuits activated in the brain are practically the same, which explains why it is so difficult to break the cycle of a toxic relationship.

It is essential to differentiate between harmless flirting and a toxic relationship. At the beginning of a relationship, it is normal for there to be moments of intense emotion and periods of calm. These ups and downs are part of foreplay and the biology of falling in love. However, there are warning signs that indicate that the relationship is taking a toxic turn.

Some signs that may indicate that you are in this situation are:

• You cling to the hope that your partner will change: Despite trials and pain, you believe that your partner can change and that the relationship can improve.
• You feel guilty for thinking about ending the relationship: You believe that you are responsible for your partner's unhappiness and you feel guilty for thinking about leaving them.
• You reconcile with your partner again and again: Despite the problems and broken promises, you fall back into the relationship again and again.
• You feel a huge emptiness when you are not with your partner: You feel insecure, dependent and you don't know how to be alone.

If you identify with these signs, it is important that you recognize that you are in a relationship that is harmful to you and that you seek professional help to break the cycle of addiction.

What can I do to get away from toxic relationships?

Getting out of a toxic relationship can be a difficult process, but with the right support and determination, it is possible. Here are some steps you can follow:

• Admit that you are in a toxic relationship: The first step is to recognize the reality of your situation. Accept that the relationship is hurting you and that you need to take steps to change it.
• Strengthen your self-esteem: Remember that you deserve love and respect.
• Seek support: Talk to friends, family, or a mental health professional. The support of people who love and understand you can be invaluable in this process.
• Set clear limits: Define what you are willing to tolerate and what you are not in a relationship. Communicate these boundaries to your partner clearly and firmly.
• End the relationship: If the situation does not improve after you have tried everything else, it is time to take control of your life and end the relationship.

Remember that you are not alone. There are many people who have gone through the same thing as you and have managed to get ahead. With effort and determination, you too can free yourself from a toxic relationship and build healthy and light-filled relationships.

Other tips we can give you to get away from a toxic relationship and overcome it are:

• Take care of your physical and mental health: It is important that you take care of yourself both physically and mentally during this process. Get enough sleep, eat healthy, exercise, and find activities that make you feel good.
• Avoid contact with your ex-partner: It may be difficult at first, but it is important to avoid contact with your ex-partner in order to move forward.
• Join a support group: There are many support groups available for people who have been in toxic relationships. These groups can help you feel less alone and learn from other people's experiences.
• Don't be afraid to ask for professional help: A mental health professional can help you understand the causes of your addiction to toxic relationships and develop strategies to overcome them.

It is natural that at some point in our lives we have put someone on a pedestal and idealized them. However, this behavior, while common, can be detrimental to both us and our relationships. But why do we have this tendency to idealize others?

In our society, we often put those we admire on a pedestal, whether they are celebrities, public figures, close friends, or even members of our own family. However, excessive idealization can have negative consequences for our self-esteem and our interpersonal relationships. Today we want to explore the reasons behind this idealizing trend and provide practical advice on how to avoid falling into the emotional trap of over idealizing . We will discover how to recognize if we are idealizing someone and how we can avoid it to maintain healthier and more authentic relationships.

What does it mean to idealize someone?

Idealizing someone means putting them on a pedestal, seeing them as perfect, and magnifying their positive qualities while ignoring or minimizing their flaws. The idealized person becomes a role model, and we tend to project our own expectations and desires onto them. It is important to keep in mind that this idealization distorts our perception of reality and prevents us from seeing the whole person.

Why do we tend to idealize people?

There are several reasons why we tend to idealize people. Here we will explore some of the most common:

1. Low Self-Esteem : When we have low self-esteem, we are more likely to idealize others as a way of compensating for our own insecurities. We see in them the qualities we want to have, and we believe that if we get close enough to them, we too will be worthy of admiration.
2. We are starting a love relationship : In the initial stages of a romantic relationship, it is common to idealize the other person. We focus on its positive aspects and tend to overlook its flaws. This can lead us to create an idealized image of the person, which can become problematic as the relationship progresses and we face the reality of their imperfections.
3. Fantasy : Idealization can arise from our own imagination and fantasy. We create an idealized image of someone based on our desires and dreams, without regard to reality. This can especially happen when we don't know the person well enough and rely on unrealistic assumptions and expectations.
4. Need to fit in : Sometimes we idealize someone to fit into a certain social group or follow the norms imposed by society. We feel pressured to admire and follow certain public figures or idealize certain people in order to feel accepted and part of something bigger.
5. Fear of intimacy : Idealization can be a way to protect ourselves from the fear of emotional intimacy. By putting someone on a pedestal and not seeing their imperfections, we avoid facing the possibility of being hurt or disappointed in a close relationship. However, this attitude also distances us from a real and authentic connection with others.
6. The search for perfection : Many times we idealize people because we seek perfection in our own lives. We admire those who seem to have everything under control and achieve success in all areas. However, it's important to remember that no one is perfect and everyone has their own internal struggles and challenges, even those who seem to have it all figured out.
7. Influence of the media : The media play a significant role in the idealization of people. The carefully selected images and the narrative built around public figures can make us believe that they lead perfect lives free of problems. It is essential to remember that what we see in the media does not always reflect the full reality of a person.
8. Projection of Desires and Expectations : By idealizing someone, we often project our own desires and expectations onto them. We create an idealized image based on what we want them to be, instead of accepting their human nature with virtues and flaws. It is important to recognize that each individual is unique and has their own strengths and weaknesses.

How do I know if I'm idealizing a person?

Identifying if you are romanticizing someone can be an important step in avoiding falling into the emotional trap. Here are some signs that you might be idealizing someone:

1. You ignore or do not assume their defects : If you find it difficult to recognize or accept someone's defects and imperfections, it is likely that you are idealizing them. No one is perfect, and it's important to see people as a whole, including their strengths and weaknesses.
2. You feel intimidated by the person : If you constantly feel intimidated or inferior when you are around someone, you may idealize them. It is important to remember that we are all human beings and that each one has their own path and rate of growth.
3. Unreasonable expectations : If you have created unreasonable expectations about what a person should be like or how they should behave, it is likely that you are idealizing them. Remember that we are all unique and have our own ways of being and acting.
4. Emotional dependence : If you feel a strong emotional dependence on someone and you believe that only that person can make you happy or complete you, it is likely that you idealize him. It is important to develop a healthy self-esteem and learn to be happy on your own.
5. You overlook your own needs : If you are willing to sacrifice your own needs and desires for the sake of pleasing someone or maintaining their approval, you are likely idealizing that person. Remember that your needs are also important and you must take them into account.
6. You ignore your feelings or limits : If you constantly ignore your own feelings or limits in order to please someone or maintain their idealized image, it is likely that you are falling into the trap of idealization. Learn to listen and respect your own needs and emotions.

How to avoid idealization?

Avoiding the idealization trap can be a gradual process, but with practice and awareness, you can do it. Here are some practical tips to avoid idealization:

1. Recognize the humanity of people : Remember that we are all human beings with our own imperfections and internal struggles. Accept both your own imperfections and those of others. Nobody is perfect, and that's okay.
2. Value your own qualities : Instead of focusing on what others have and you don't, identify your own strengths and achievements. Recognize your own worth and work on developing your talents and abilities. Learn to appreciate yourself and recognize your own potential.
3. Look for inspiration instead of idealization : Instead of idealizing a person as a whole, identify specific traits or actions that inspire you. You can admire certain qualities in someone without idealizing their whole person. Use those aspects as motivation for your own personal growth.
4. Fosters Realistic Relationships : Cultivate relationships based on mutual respect and acceptance of others as whole human beings. Avoid setting unrealistic expectations of people and allow them to show their authenticity. Learn to love and accept people as they are, with their strengths and weaknesses.
5. Learn to set limits : Setting healthy limits is essential to avoid idealization. Learn to say "no" when necessary and to set clear boundaries in your relationships. Remember that your needs and well-being are important and deserve to be respected.

Idealizing people can be tempting, but it's important to be aware of its negative consequences. By acknowledging our own humanity and that of others, valuing our own qualities, seeking inspiration rather than idealization, fostering realistic relationships, and learning to set boundaries, we can avoid falling into the emotional trap of over-idealization. Let's remember that we are all imperfect human beings and that what really matters is cultivating genuine relationships and accepting ourselves and others as we are.

Finding out that your partner is insecure can be challenging, but all is not lost. With patience and understanding, you can learn to deal with this situation and strengthen your relationship. Today we want to give you practical and friendly advice on the way we should act when our partner is insecure.

Before we talk about advice on how to handle this situation we need to understand that insecure people often struggle with feelings of inadequacy and doubts about their own worth. They may experience a constant need for validation and wonder if they will be understood and if someone will have the patience to support them. In reality, they consider themselves "a burden" and may believe that they do not deserve anyone's love. If you are in a relationship with an insecure person, you have probably noticed these thought patterns.

Emotional insecurity can manifest itself in different contexts, be it work, family or, most commonly, in the sphere of the couple and close relationships. Insecure people often experience jealousy or chronic anxiety that leads them to believe that the relationship is in danger or that their partner will soon leave them. Paradoxically, this excessive worry can lead to despair in the other person, and sometimes it can even put the relationship at risk.

But not all is lost. The key is to remember that both you and your partner deserve a loving and nurturing relationship. By taking a caring and empathetic approach, you can overcome the challenges of insecurity and build a stronger, more lasting connection.

Why can a person become insecure in their relationship?

Emotional insecurity in couple relationships can have several underlying causes. Below we will explore some of the common reasons why we may experience emotional insecurity in our relationships:

1. Past experiences: Traumatic or painful experiences in previous relationships can leave emotional scars and create insecurity in future relationships. If we have experienced rejection, abandonment, or betrayal in the past, we may carry those fears into our current relationships.
2. Low self-esteem: Lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem can lead to emotional insecurity in relationships. If we don't feel valuable or lovable enough, we may constantly question whether our partner really loves us or deserves their love and attention.
3. Comparisons with others : The tendency to compare ourselves with other people can fuel emotional insecurity. If we compare ourselves to our partner's past reviews, the attractive people around them, or the ideal partners we see on social media, we may feel inadequate and trigger feelings of insecurity.
4. Lack of communication and clarity: The lack of effective communication within the relationship can generate insecurity. If we don't openly express our needs, wants, and concerns, our partner may not understand our expectations, which can lead to doubt and anxiety in the relationship.
5. Emotional dependency: Excessive emotional dependency can contribute to emotional insecurity. When we become too dependent on our partner for our happiness and self-esteem, we fear losing their love and affection, which makes us feel insecure and anxious.
6. Dysfunctional relationship patterns: If we grew up in family environments or past relationships characterized by insecurity, conflict, or lack of emotional support, we may carry these patterns into our current relationships. These patterns can fuel our insecurity and make it difficult to develop a healthy relationship.

What are the patterns of an insecure person?

The patterns of an insecure person can manifest in various ways. You should keep in mind that these behavior patterns can vary in their intensity and manifestation in each person:

1. Require constant approval: Insecure people often constantly seek approval and validation from their partner. They may rely heavily on the opinions and praise of others to feel valued and accepted. This constant need for validation can put pressure on the relationship and create an imbalance in the couple's dynamics.
2. They are suffocating : Insecure people tend to be very emotionally dependent on their partner. They may be afraid of losing her, and as a result, they will constantly seek to be close to her. This can lead to stifling behaviors, such as needing to always be together, constantly monitoring each other's movements, or insisting on sharing every moment of the day. These actions can generate a feeling of lack of space and freedom in the relationship.
3. They are jealous and possessive: Emotional insecurity often manifests itself through jealousy and possessiveness. Insecure people may experience intense fear and anxiety at the prospect of losing their partner. As a result, they may display excessive and irrational jealousy, control their activities, and demand constant proof of fidelity. This attitude can generate tensions and conflicts in the relationship.
4. They are distrustful: Distrust is another common pattern in insecure people. They often find it difficult to fully trust their partner, even in the absence of objective reasons to doubt their loyalty or commitment. This distrust can lead to constant vigilance, misinterpretations of a partner's actions, and a tendency to suspect without solid grounds.

How can we handle our partner's insecurity?

1. Stay on the same page: Show her understanding and listen to her concerns and fears without judgment, and show her that you are there for her.
2. Show your support: Make sure your partner feels you are there for them. Encourage her and recognize her accomplishments and qualities. Let her know that you trust her and the relationship.
3. Don't do things to him that you wouldn't want him to do to you: Treat your partner with respect and consideration. Avoid actions that may fuel your insecurities, such as excessive criticism or avoidance behavior. Cultivate a safe and loving environment.
4. Remind her of her virtues: Let your partner know the qualities and virtues you admire in her. Recognize their strengths and highlight their achievements. Reminding him of his virtues can help strengthen his self-esteem and counteract insecurity.
5. Show her your life and include her in it: Share your experiences, interests and projects with her. This will help build trust and strengthen the sense of belonging in the relationship.
6. Be patient: Patience is key when it comes to dealing with your partner's insecurity. Understand that overcoming insecurity takes time and effort. Be patient and show empathy during the process.
7. Know their insecurities: Communicate with your partner and learn about the underlying causes of their insecurity. By understanding their insecurities, you can provide appropriate support and avoid actions that trigger them.
8. Don't get carried away by emotions to make decisions: Avoid making important decisions based solely on moments of insecurity or mistrust. Take the time to reflect and approach the situation rationally.
9. Give her space: Recognize the importance of personal space in the relationship. Allow your partner time to themselves and to develop their own interests and relationships outside of the relationship.
10. Be realistic: Keep realistic expectations in the relationship. No person is perfect, and it is normal to have moments of insecurity. Accept the imperfections and work together to build a strong and healthy relationship.
11. Understand your partner and put yourself in their shoes: Strive to understand your partner's experiences and perspectives. Put yourself in their shoes and show empathy towards their feelings. Mutual understanding will strengthen the connection between you.
12. Don't let something toxic be done: Know your boundaries and don't let your partner's insecurity turn into toxic or abusive behavior. If the situation becomes untenable, seek professional support to work through the insecurity issues in the relationship.

Remember that each relationship is unique, and it is important to adapt these suggestions to your particular circumstances. By working together and cultivating open and compassionate communication, you will be able to overcome insecurity and build a stronger and more fulfilling relationship.

Jealousy is a natural human emotion that we have all experienced at some point in our lives. Although it is normal to feel jealous from time to time, when it becomes excessive it can have negative consequences in our relationships.

What is jealousy?

Jealousy is a complex emotion that occurs when we feel that someone we love is paying attention, affection, or interest to another person instead of us. They can manifest in different ways, from a mild feeling of discomfort to an intense feeling of anxiety and anger. Basically jealousy is an emotional response to the perceived threat of losing something valuable, such as a love relationship, friendship or even work.

Why does jealousy occur?

Jealousy can be caused by a variety of factors, such as a lack of self-confidence, insecurity, fear of abandonment, among others. 

Often, jealousy is also related to our perception of our partner or the situation. For example, if we have a preconceived idea that our partner is unfaithful, we are more likely to feel jealous even in harmless situations.

Also, jealousy can be caused by past experiences, such as being cheated on or betrayed in previous relationships. Anxiety, depression, and other emotional problems can also increase the likelihood of feeling jealous.

What problems can jealousy cause us?

Excessive jealousy can have negative consequences in our relationships, such as loss of trust in our partner, distrust in ourselves, emotional distancing, and the possibility of a breakup.

Here is a more detailed list of the problems that jealousy can cause us.

1. Loss of trust: Jealousy can cause a person to lose trust in their partner and in themselves. This can lead to a deterioration of the relationship, even if there is no real reason for the mistrust.
2. Communication issues: People who experience jealousy often have a hard time communicating effectively with their partner. They may feel that they cannot express their feelings clearly or may overreact to situations that could easily be resolved with effective communication.
3. Controlling behavior : Jealousy can also lead to controlling behavior, such as constantly monitoring your partner or forbidding them to do things that might be considered normal.
4. Anxiety and stress: Jealousy can cause anxiety and stress, which can affect a person's physical and mental health.

What types of jealousy exist?

There are different types of jealousy, each with its own characteristics and motivations. Next, we will describe some of the most common:

1. Jealousy in a partner: This type of jealousy occurs when a person feels that their partner is paying attention to another person. They can be caused by a lack of trust in your partner or in yourself, and can manifest in a variety of ways, from discomfort to anxiety to anger.
2. Children's jealousy : Refers to feelings of envy and competition that children experience when they feel that another child or adult is receiving more attention or affection than they are. It manifests itself in different ways, such as the desire to have the same toys as other children, the need to be the center of attention, or even resentment towards a sibling or close friend.
3. Jealousy at work : This jealousy occurs when a person feels that their colleague or co-worker receives more attention or recognition. This type of jealousy can be caused by competition and the need to feel valued in the workplace.
4. Self-actualization jealousy: The celSelf-actualization goals are those that arise when you compare yourself with your partner or other people and feel that you are at a disadvantage compared to them in terms of achievements, goals, and abilities. This jealousy occurs when you have low self-esteem and feel that you are not reaching your own goals and dreams.
5. Pathological jealousy: These types of jealousy are extremely intense and persistent and can be very damaging to you and your relationship. If you are pathologically jealous, you may feel an obsessive need to control your partner, and your jealous thoughts and feelings may be blown out of proportion and not in line with reality.

How do I fight partner jealousy?

If you feel that your jealousy is negatively affecting your relationship, it's important to take steps to combat it. Here are some strategies you can use to reduce your jealousy:

Work on your self esteem

Jealousy often stems from a lack of self-confidence. Try to work on your self-esteem so that you feel more confident about yourself and your relationship.

Learn to trust

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. If you don't trust your partner, your jealousy will likely escalate. Try to work on trust in your partner and in yourself.

Communicate your feelings clearly and respectfully

If you're feeling jealous, it's important to talk to your partner openly and honestly. But make sure you do it respectfully and without attacking your partner. Communication is key to solving problems and preventing jealousy from becoming a bigger problem.

Learn to control your thoughts

Jealousy usually arises from negative and irrational thoughts. Try to identify these thoughts and change them to more positive and realistic ones. 

First you must ask yourself questions like: Why do I feel this way? What makes me feel jealous? What is the worst case scenario I am imagining? Once you identify these thoughts, try to replace them with more positive and realistic ones.

For example, if you're jealous because your partner is talking to someone else, try to think that it doesn't necessarily mean your partner is romantically interested in that person.

Avoid situations that make you feel jealous

If there are specific situations that trigger your jealousy, try to avoid them as much as possible. For example, if you feel jealous when your partner is out with friends, try to find ways to distract yourself or find activities you can do together instead.

Seek support

Talk to trusted friends or family members about your feelings of jealousy. Sometimes just talking to someone who will listen and support you can go a long way.

Seek professional help

If your jealousy is very intense and is affecting your daily life, consider seeking professional help. A therapist or counselor can help you work on your trust issues and improve your interpersonal relationships.

If you want to know if you are jealous in your relation we invite you to take our test.

​The question everyone asks after a breakup is, how do I get over a relationship? The first thing we must do to answer this question is to define that love relationships, as we already know, are those in which there is affection between two people, whether they are romantic relationships or friendships.

We also need to debunk some myths that exist about relationships that will help us put our circumstances in perspective:

• Better half: The myth says that we can only be happy if we are with someone else. In this way we put aside our personal well-being and we stop knowing each other because we are looking for a partner. We must understand that in order to be in a stable relationship with a person, the most important thing is that we are well, it is a mistake to base our happiness on another person, it should be a complement and not a necessity. 
• Prince Charming: This myth makes us believe that a man must save us, since without him by our side we cannot have security or a prosperous future. If we come to believe this, we put aside our own worth and it can make us believe that we are weak people. 
• Frog Prince: It is the myth in which love can do everything, even changing the worst of men. This type of thinking can generate a toxic dependency on a person and even gender violence. We cannot cling to a relationship in the hope that that person will change for love and become the perfect match.

At the end of a relationship we go through several stages:

• Denial: It is the first phase after a love breakup where it is difficult for us to accept that the relationship has come to an end, we will feel sadness and cry.
• Anger: In this second stage we will be invaded by hatred and anger, believing that we are being treated in a wrong way. unfair or that they betrayed us. In this phase there is usually a deep sadness and there may be aggressiveness and anxiety.
• Negotiation: During the third phase we look for solutions so that the situation changes. It is normal for us to act impulsively that cause different results than what we expect.
• Depression: You will begin to understand what happened and you will understand that the relationship has come to an end and you will no longer be together. At this point you may feel very sad, listless and hopeless. Here it is totally normal to stop eating, sleep poorly and not feel like going out.
• Acceptance: At this stage you come to accept that you have finished with your partner, regain strength and negative thoughts disappear.

Since we are clear about the stages and myths about relationships, it is time to move on to the ways to overcome a love breakup.

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Do not look guilty

You have to understand that the relationship is between two people and each party has an important role within it: responsibilities, blame and reproaches are shared between the two. So we need not to create a story of good and bad, much less play the victim, this type of attitude facilitates depression.

Let's reflect on our behaviors so we can learn from the mistakes we made. However, this must be done with some moderation and as long as the purpose of our reflection is to move forward.

If you feel like crying, do it.

The first thing we should do is cry, so we can release all the grief and anger that we carry inside. We should not stigmatize crying as it will help us have a much shorter duel.

So if you feel like crying just do it.

Do not idealize the relationship

One of the aspects that will hurt us the most is to idealize the relationship we were in and our ex-partner. It will be more difficult to finish the mourning stage, so we advise you not to only remember the good times and focus on how the relationship really was.

Something that will help you keep fantasies away is to write down all those things that you did not like about the relationship or your ex-partner. Read them to yourself when you start to remember the good times, so you won't forget the bad things you went through.

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Limit contact with your ex

While staying friends after a breakup sounds civil enough, it's not always necessary, especially when it's only a short time after the breakup. It is necessary to maintain a space with the ex-partner that helps you reflect on everything that has happened. Therefore, it is also advisable to remove him from all social networks, seeing how his life continues after being with us will lead us to experience greater anguish.

We must learn to be alone and the ideal is to lose contact completely for at least six months. It will allow us for the wound to heal correctly and after that you will be able to think about whether or not it is healthy to maintain a friendship.

Work on improving your self-esteem

It is common for feelings of loneliness, insecurity and even abandonment to appear after a love break. It is normal to feel this way as we get used to feeling like part of a couple. The feeling of insecurity can grow by not feeling good enough to have maintained the relationship.

To combat these negative feelings it is necessary to focus on our positive aspects and start working on ourselves. Think about who we are and what we want for the future.

Take advantage of the free time you're going to have by doing things that improve your self-esteem like going to the gym or creating a new routine. Exercise can be an excellent treatment against anxiety, it will help us reduce our depression and we will also stay healthy.

Another thing that works very well is to go back to doing things that one liked and stop doing or also experimenting with new things that for some reason we never dared to do.

Increase your social circle and go out with your friends

It is quite important to maintain a circle of friends after ending a relationship since they can exert a positive influence on us. Although at first we want to be completely alone and isolated, we should not go too far, it is something that will only harm us more.

Let's start going out with our friends, without forcing it, since we could have a hard time. Little by little recover your social life and open up to new possibilities.

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Write a diary

Writing about our feelings and experiences after a love break can help us accept the situation. In scientific terms, cognitive processing is accentuated in a simple way.

Those who write about the positive aspects of the breakup experience more positive emotions about the breakup. Those emotions include comfort, confidence, empowerment, energy, happiness, optimism, relief, contentment, appreciation, and wisdom.

Rule out starting a new relationship right away

It is easy to apply the saying that one nail pulls another nail, but if the duel has not been adequately passed, it is most likely that this new relationship will not have the expected success. Until you have gone through the normal process of breaking up, it is difficult to be able to give affection to another person.

Ask for help whenever you need it

It is important to have a trustworthy person who can be by our side in all the difficult moments that a breakup implies. The support of friends and family is necessary and appropriate, you should not be afraid to show what you feel in front of them, they will not judge you and most likely want your well-being and support you as much as possible.

If you feel that even though time has passed after the end of the relationship, you are not over your ex-partner, it is advisable to seek the help of professionals. The psychologist will help you redirect frustration, anger or mismanaged anger and reduce your emotional suffering.

Don't be afraid to ask for help!

What advice would you give to people who are going through a recent breakup? Did you like the tips? Tell us your opinion in the comments.​